The Untimely Demise of Super Mom.

This year I have done life a little differently. In the past, I have carried around a ton of guilt about having a child with special needs. I somehow, not really consciously, felt like I needed to suffer, at least as much as I perceived my child to be suffering. But one day, or rather gradually over many days, I realized that he WAS happy, and I was not.

Moving can be a great thing, you can if you want to, reinvent yourself easily, as the old habits aren't always available for you to fall back on. So there I was last year, deciding that I needed a change. I started at a yoga studio, and that was fun, and then I started knitting with a group of ladies (big stretch for me), I made a point to meet and make relationships with my neighbors. I said a lot of "yes" when I usually say "no, I cannot enjoy life, because my son cannot enjoy life" (ok not exactly those words but you get the idea.) Now a year later, I'm having fun! My calendar is full, I am out many nights a week, and the big shocker is that my kids are actually happy about it! I thought if I wasn't home for every little moment in their lives, I would somehow be abandoning them. I realized that leaving them with their completely competent father was a blessing for both of us. Those moments they have with him, are equally as important as their moments with me.

For the first summer in as long as I can remember, I am actually looking forward to having a bit of free time. I have owned up to my limitations, and the kids are going to be busy, sometimes with me, sometimes at school, or day care, and sometimes at camps. I am not going to try to do it all, and feel like a failure when it fails! I have scheduled in a lot of one on one time with each child which is going to rock. Landon and I have already started on his Five in a Row books, (an annual favorite activity for us, that use to make me feel awful, because I could never get Cotton to participate.) Cotton WILL learn how to swim and ride a bike this summer. Two activities that he is more than ready for, I have just lacked the one on one time to get it done. I have nothing officially planned for Rev, but he will continue in his developmental preschool, that is more than enough for a three year old. I just plan on lots of cuddling:)

So bring on summer, bring on life where I am less in charge, but having more fun, bring on more bed times with Dad, and more dates for the grown ups. Bring on a life that may not look like everyone elses, but looks like a lot of joy.