It is sort of a post about frustration. With Cotton, and I am sure with others, there are these moments of "extreme clarity." Moments where he types freaking paragraphs on his talker, where he looks into our eyes, participates in what we are doing. Times when he tells jokes, teases his brothers (in a good way), calls me into his bedroom to tell me he loves me. Then the rest of the time, not so much. I just want to scream sometimes. "WHERE DO YOU GO, AND WHY!!!!!!! "Why don't you try? I've seen what you are capable of, Why don't you want to be with us!!!!!"
Most importantly how, do I make it happen all the time. That's where I go wrong, "I" can only do so much. Cotton is the one that has to decide, it is all up to him. I've been so frustrated with him lately. I know that is terrible.
The neighbor boy came over the other day, granted he was rude, but he was like "hey kid, hey.....can he hear?" Wyatt screamed at him, and ran away to float leaves in front of his face. What the heck. AAAHHHH I know it is not his fault. I KNOW that social stuff just doesn't compute. But, sometimes I want him to want it, just a little. I also wish I was a saint, and didn't want it for him so much.
3 comments:
Being a saint would really make this all a lot easier. The good times are so good, but the in-between times seem to last a lot longer than they should. Hope you get more of those connected moments soon.
I thought about it, and I don't mean there aren't many good times. I meant those intensely wonderful times, when the twins seem very connected, or when they look right at me and say something. Or come up and snuggle. Sometimes so many days can go by between those moments!
Yes, that is what I meant too. He is just so there sometimes. I understand he needs that time on his own to process, but sometimes it is just so frustrating!:)
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